#YesAllWomen

I love me some boys. And, for the record - all men are boys on some level, hence my use of the word; I don't object to us being called girls.

That aside, I am pissed.

This whole . . . tragic debacle with Elliot Rodgers has got me thinking. Hard. And about me, and my friends, personally and specifically. Then just translate that to all women and there you go: I am super angry. And now I will be honest.

Am I weak? No.

Am I quick to judge or assume? No.

Am I afraid to do, be, try, etc? Hell, no.

But here's the thing.

What all these articles and web posts and tweets and - everything - have brought up . . . it is all So. Damn. True.

We, women, do get silenced. We do get interrupted. We do get harassed in big and small ways. We . . .

It wasn't till all this tragic stuff happened that I paused to think about the possible reality of such in my life. But, sadly, I realized that it is a reality. I will give you five examples of how something denigrating, devaluing, or dismissive has happened to me - in the last (wait for it) week.

1 - A customer talked over me when I was introducing myself to the table and trying to say I'd be their server, and said "honey, I'll just have a water."

2 - An ex boyfriend messaged me with sexual innuendos (yet again) - even though I have repeatedly asked him not to do so. I thought we could just be friends.

3 - A customer came in after closing and said "My friend threw up in the bathroom. Can I pay whoever has to clean up because it's so gross? I assume that's you?"

4 - When I was waiting for the bus, a guy said "You're so pretty. I bet you have a boyfriend." When I tried not to respond, rather than leave me alone, he persisted - "Why don't you? I could be your boyfriend. What's your number?"

5 - One of my managers at work who didn't hear me answer the question he posed ("Who was here first this morning to open?") but heard the guy (who, for the record, got in after I did) say it.

These are small and mostly inconsequential examples of what is a truly scary thing: women are at risk.

It can be financial, it can be psychological, it can be . . . a lot of things.

When a man approaches me on the street, asking for money, it raises my hackles. When I have to leave the restaurant late at night and get a cab, I wonder what the driver will be like. When I have to smile and banter with a customer who is, frankly, a jackass, I cringe internally. When I . . .

There are so many situations, big and small, in which a woman's voice is negated, voided, challenged, ignored. If you stop and think about it, it's true and it happens all the time.

I've never been one to focus on inequalities or he said/she said politics and what not, but this whole CA scenario has hit home with me. I am a smart, strong, brave, capable woman and I deal with some things every single day that this horrific episode has brought into focus: my Pollyanna side and hero of a daddy and model for men might make me gloss over it, but women get shit in all shapes and sizes, regularly.

Enough. If you have a son, teach him differently. If you have a daughter, teach her differently. The statistics are staggering: men speak 75% more than women on boards, committees, etc on decision making issues, people retweet men's tweets twice as often as women's, and even in movies (!) men have more disruptive speech AND garner twice as much screen and speaking time as women (http://www.alternet.org/). There are many more examples than just these small ones. Did I mention that "everyone" considers women to be the ones who dominate conversations?

Girls need to be strong, be capable, be brave with words and action. Yet, realistically, we have to still be wary, observant and . . . polite, courteous and cautious.

Will this change? Can it? And if so, to either, then how?

More than food for thought - it's Fiber One cereal on steroids.

Yours,
Love Bites,
Carrie Neal