The Salad Days

Oh, what an expression.

Sweet - and painful. So sweet when you are living them; so painful after they're gone.

My salad days, at least of recent years, were last year and most of this one.

As far as food goes, it was part of the love. There were eggs and biscuit products over leisurely or even hurried breakfasts. Pizza - or salads, even- and the occasional sandwich over lunch. Filet, or Mrs. Chaing's specialties, or crabcakes or . . . over dinner. Food deliveries after a long day or brought when sick; cheese plates and champagne, cocktails and appetizers; even deviled eggs and muffins brought for an all-nighter at work. Many of my memories revolve around food shared, over confidences proffered, random tidbits of childhood, of history, of all sorts of verbal banter in the best of spirits. So many memories.

But what else? The tenderness, the concern, the animation, the silliness - that was the real part of the love. Sure, it was intertwined with food, often, but the love for each other was the crux of the matter. 

And I thought it would last.

But salad turned into tears; communication turned into silence; intimacy turned into alienation.

It seems a great bit of irony - unsurprising for CN's life, I know, given all its twists and turns - that I now work in one of the places in our semi-regular rotation. Some days, I can't serve veggie and steak combo fajitas without a thought of him. Who knew sizzling platters and a side of guac and cheese could be of such emotional impact?

Most of the memories I cherish; yet there are some items, places, and environments I cannot (yet?) stomach. When I attempt to cook a fritatta (his were so good), when I have a really good steak, when I attempt to share a meal with, well, most anyone else - it gives me pause. You all know food has complicated meaning for me - a love-hate relationship, if you will - this has added a whole new element of angst. (Who says angst at 7:24 in the morning, by the way? This was just one of the kind of dorky things we would say to each other, as part of our vocabulary game . . .)

Do I still enjoy egg-y goodness? Yes. Will a great steak always make me smile, or the most delicious crabcake with a mustard-y sauce make my heart and stomach happy? Definitely. But the real message here is that sharing treats in food form with someone you love is a privilege and one of the best things in life.

Communion - friendship - flirtation that goes into something way deeper - that is way more than salad could ever be.

It is great fortune.

So now, I remember my salad days with tremendous . . . love. 

Shall they come again? I don't know. Sometimes I want a crystal ball to find out; sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want that shared chicken Parmesan, or grilled artichokes, or potstickers, or . . . 

But sometimes, wondering has its limits. And I don't know the end of that story (or do I?), or of mine. 

So for now, I know that I made my (famous-to-CN) eggs-in-a-hole, with cheddar cheese and mixed greens (ask me if you're interested and I'll tell you how I do it - sometimes I include bacon, just sayin'!) and a glass of OJ for breakfast early this morning.

And it was delicious.

Salad can be wonderful; days can be good. With food, and with relationships, maybe we can try and hope for the best. If we screw one or the other up, well, maybe we are - or become - willing to try again.

I've always said I will always remain an optimist, despite any obstacle thrown in my way.

Here's to more good food and more good - love? - along the way.

Yours,
Love Bites,
Carrie Neal

Random Happy Post

I thought I'd change things up, and I got inspired.

Food + family + friends + life + memories . . . = love.

True?

True.

So, when I had that thought, I got sentimental and it occurred to me . . . "What are ten of my favorite food and love moments, ever?"

Here goes . . . (in no particular order, mind you)

1. The filet I ordered at age seven or so, at The Ritz Carlton Naples - Mom and Dad weren't sure I knew what I was doing but indulged me anyway, and I ate every bite of that 14 oz of deliciousness! (Sorry, this happened back in the day when we couldn't document all so the best I could do was a pic of the hotel itself...)

2. The squid-ink pasta I dared to try with my friends on one of our weekend trips to yet another Tuscan city, the semester I spent in Rome . . . strange to look at but sooo delicious!

3. My own asparagus pizza, shared with a dearest friend one happy and sunny day last year . . .

4. Mom's sausage and cheese biscuits - enough said!

We made a batch for work on Friday for a manager's birthday - HUGE hit!!

5. 36th Birthday Tiramisu at Il Vagabando . . . for so many reasons, it was the sweetest thing.

6. Eggs. In all forms - with J, at home, out . . . too many times to count so here are three faves . . . 

The boy makes a mean frittata!

Breakfast love at ABE

And this is how I roll at home with the egg sammies...

6. Burger-gasm. Yep, I said it. It's that good.

C'mon - you know it's H+F, right?

7. This always, always makes my heart smile when I have it, especially with one of my oldest besties . . . 

Classic: Houston's smoked salmon.

8. My Grandmother's creamed corn. I don't eat it anymore because no one will ever make it like she did and she always made an extra batch so my cousin Rett and I wouldn't fight over who had enough...Love, heart and soul on a plate, y'all!

9. The first Thanksgiving dinner I planned, cooked and hosted solo - for 14 (in 2007)!! From apps and cocktails to turkey and such, I pulled it all off - and it was just such a fun, ginny night as the saying goes!

10. A perfect day of lunch, food, and love - in a beautiful setting . . . 

Lunch at Wente Vineyards

I firmly believe we associate memories with food and vice versa - good and bad!- and these are a few of my favorite moments, eats and memories. Think about yours! It will make your heart happy.

Yours,

Love Bites,

Carrie Neal

French Fries, Cowboy Eggs and . . . a Date

French Fries, Cowboy Eggs and . . . a Date

Well, y'all (sorry- I seem to be starting off a lot of posts like this...) Rarely a dull moment in CN Land, that's for sure.

I work lots of long hours at The Restaurant, and often have a bite of something here and there, or get done late and am so tired I'm not even sure I'm hungry (and most certainly don't want to cook!). But last night, I got off early - read: before midnight - and thought I'd venture next door to a place I'd been meaning to try for a while now.

Watershed on Peachtree. I highly recommend, if only for the decor and ambiance (though the lighting is just a skosh too low) - and for the many things I want to try off the menu and the cool people I met. More on that to follow.

I was in that stage of not-sure-if-I'm-really-hungry, so rather than a "real" order, I went with a salty staple: French fries . . . 

Deliciousness!

And I found an interesting person sitting next to me, with whom to share them. Hmmm... turns out, this man and I know people in common, had a schmorgasbord (sp?) of things to chit chat over and, well, he kissed me on the cheek as he walked me to the car - and we're having dinner next week.

Y'all.

I don't even know what to think about all this - except - maybe it's time. Maybe it's good. Maybe I've at least met a new person who will be a smart addition to my life.

So what did I do when I woke up today? Made myself Cowboy Eggs - 

Hee!

Ok, that was meant to be funny but they really looked like this - 

Mmm, call them Cowboy Eggs, Eggs-in-a-Hole, whatever- perfect breakfast for one!

Add a little canteloupe and it was perfect fortification to start the day. Many things seem to always be happening in Carrie Neal Land these days - ha, always? - and, well, maybe I should be up for the next chapters and new adventures . . . stay tuned.

Yours,

Love Bites,

Carrie Neal

Ode To a Biscuit

Ode To a Biscuit

It's Sunday morning and it's one of my favorite times of a day or the week. I've long considered it leisurely time - I haven't been as consistent about going to church in the past years as I should be or as my Dad would like, but I digress - and a time when I could sleep in and then decide what to do with my day. Now, I usually work Sunday nights so that changes my free schedule a little bit, but I still like this time.

And occasionally, like today, I liked a biscuit product as someone I know refers to them. J and I rarely had breakfast together on Sundays that I recall - though often a later brunch - but we did on many other days of the week, and this is usually what he would order - though I never quite got used to him putting jam on his sausage biscuit.

When I awoke (very early) this morning, my first thoughts were - "juice and one of Mom's sausage biscuits!" She makes awesome sausage and cheese ones and stores them in the freezer for ready use.

Here's a perfect picture of one that kind of resembles the one I had today - 

And here's the one I actually ate (yes, I used a knife and fork to eat it - don't judge!) -

It was oh so good. I managed to eat most of it with juice and half a banana, and feel fortified to finish all my laundry (eep! let that get a little out of hand...) and run a couple of errands before getting ready for work. 

See, I really am trying to take care of me. In all ways. And, sometimes, a solid breakfast is part of that. Go, Mom, and go, me.

Happy Sunday, y'all.

Yours,

Love Bites,

Carrie Neal

Cheesey Love

Cheesey Love

Well, y'all. Damn.

I've been talking about my travails with food recently and yesterday just upped the ante. See, I haven't talked as much about The Great Demise and losing my beloved J. I just - haven't been able to, I guess.

And I've been getting too skinny. I like skinny, but this is a little much. Like the last time I was scared out of eating (that's a story for another time but it involved a divorce, being asked for alimony and a lengthy legal battle).

I learned yesterday he is too skinny too. 

See, we still talk. Once or twice a week. You have to understand: this man is (still) my heart. It has been almost three months now since TGD . . . but this shit ain't over. I was pretty sure he felt that way too, but it was confirmed yesterday. We have talked for the past couple of weeks about getting together - for the first time since July 8, which was the last time we'd seen each other since TGD on July 6 - and for various reasons hadn't done it . . . maybe neither was sure the other really wanted to - would - should . . .

But we did.

I was so nervous. I spent much of the last eight years seeing this man often and the last year and a half pretty much daily, unless he was traveling. And much of that time, in any part of our relationship, was spent over food and drinks. Yesterday, we met at one of our "go-to" spots; the bartender who was working looked so happy and surprised to see me when I arrived and wondered aloud if J would be there soon and why had it been so long since we'd been in?

The look on his face when I said we'd broken up and this would be the first time I'd see him in almost three months pretty much matched my level of shocked-ness.

He brought a lot of paper napkins to be at the ready in case I needed them, and was on cue to know if I would get too upset.

I hadn't eaten all day and ordered this as a distraction . . . 

Absolute deliciousness in the form of cheesey parmesan bread.

I picked at it. He arrived and he picked at it. 

We had too much to talk about - imagine if you'd spent so much time, every day, laughing and talking and loving someone and your first instinct was always . . . them. To say your thought, to share your story, to tell your idea or fear or hope or . . . 

And that person went away. 

It is brutal.

So yesterday, over mostly untouched food and drink, I saw my J. We talked about everything and nothing; the hard stuff and the easy stuff were all on the table. There were hours spent. There were many kisses involved. 

We are both learning how to be our best selves and I am grateful for that. We are trying to figure things out, mutually and severally as he always says. I miss him so. So much.

Will we end up together? We shall see. I know some things with absolute certainty, though: I want him to be well, in all senses. I want him to sleep, have peace, and be healthy. I want the same for myself, as I know he does for me. I need to eat more cheese and bread and he probably does, too. I pray for him daily, as he does me. I miss him. I want him. I need to keep working on me. As does he, himself. He ties a great Windsor knot as he did for me yesterday since I had come from work and needed a re-tie . . . 

Ready for work tomorrow!

We still know and get each other. It is my belief that more chapters will be written in our story. What they entail, well y'all, stay tuned. But I know food, good taste and honesty are all definitely in the picture.

Yours,

Love Bites,
Carrie Neal

No, I didn't eat the dog . . .

No, I didn't eat the dog.

She was too cute!!

My new friend Tootie . . . 

Late on a Friday night/Saturday morning! Doggie love is always good.

Yes, I kept hearing "The Jeffersons" theme song in my head.

Yesterday was funny. I woke up late because I slept too restlessly the night before. So I didn't have time for much fortification before work like I try to do - usually fruit and some kind of protein, at least cheese - and only had time for a quick snack before I was back for the dinner shift. You can imagine how upsetting it was when we were working, and a manager brought back an untouched platter of chicken and beef (skirt steak, y'all!!) fajitas that someone didn't like for some reason, and instead of throwing it out per protocol - we waste too much food, just sayin' - and let us have it . . .and I made a small "taco" with meat and a little guac - which was GONE when I came back three minutes later after helping someone else run food to a table. I had one bite.

Sigh.

Who eats someone else's bitten-into taco? Obviously, someone I work with at The Restaurant.

Anyhoo, I finished a bit before my girlfriend E, co-owner of the dog in said picture, and we went out after work. She got some kind of crazy burger at the place we like to go across the street. I had a few fries.

All this made me think  . . . do you eat late-night if you haven't eaten - or nothing available sounds good - or do you just chalk it up to something like "Oh well, I will deal with it tomorrow?" . . .do you think such a question is kind of weird and it doesn't make any sense to you?

I am the I'll-deal-with-it-tomorrow type and this morning this girl was (kind of) hungry and willing to eat (sort of). So my solution was breakfast at a great spot . . .

Tuscano egg delight at Highland Bakery

. . . of which I ate maybe a quarter. It was delicious, don't get me wrong. But is there a point where you're too hungry to be hungry - or you just . . don't care?

I love E and I love my Mom, with whom I had said breakfast. But I couldn't eat (much). We went to the farmer's market after brunch so I have some good stuff I could make for dinner. Now the question is- will I? And if I do, the next question is - will I eat it or just take annoying, unprofessional pictures of it?

Food for thought (and more questions). . .

Yours,
Love Bites,
Carrie Neal

Nachos, Heartbreak and a White Chocolate Truffle . . .

Nachos, Heartbreak and a White Chocolate Truffle...

How are these things all related? Read on, and you will learn.

I work in a Mexican restaurant (I usually refer to it as The Restaurant around here, just for propriety and anonymity's sake) yet I rarely eat Mexican food there. I love it, don't get me wrong, and I truly love the food (with the exception of two things, one being the chile relleno - gross!) at The Restaurant. But either a) we're too busy to eat between shifts, b) I don't like rice and beans, which is what servers can grab for free in a pinch, or c) by the time I'm done with a shift, particularly a double, I'm too freaking tired to eat. And I've yet to go in on a day off, though I've won enough contests (our managers like to do little "games" each day to motivate the servers - more on that topic later...) and the reward for winning those is usually a $10 or $20 gift card to use. I've got a bunch stored up. Yeah, I'm that good.

And, the Sweet Man and I used to eat at The Restaurant before The Great Demise. We ate out a lot and had our regular places; this was one on the semi-regular rotation. But we always had our order down - an order of beef fajitas for one and an order of veggie fajitas for one, to share. See, the skirt steak is So Good and the veggies are So Good in the veggie fajitas - zucchini, squash, portabello mushrooms and the like... - and the servings are huge; an order for one of each was more than enough to feed us. So, it's hard for me sometimes to keep my game face on and recommend this fave combination to a guest, despite how much I know they'll enjoy it; memories intrude.

And anyone who read my last post knows I've been struggling with food stuff. What's a girl to do with all these conundrums??

Make food at home when she has the night off, of course!!

And what sounded good tonight? Nachos, I kid you not. I'm at the point where I try to focus on eating a) at all, b) healthily and c) whatever sounds good so I'll actually eat it.

And tonight it was this . . .

CN's Special Nachos, pre-cheesing...

And the finished product . . .

And the finished version: avocado, tomato, chicken and my special cheese blend!

I actually ate most of them. And it was really good.

I got a text message after dinner that made me smile; I found some pictures that didn't. Enter the "heartbreak" quotient.

I decided to have a truffle for dessert - he gave me some last Easter and I liked the white chocolate ones best. I buy a different brand now, but I still like them.

I work a double tomorrow at The Restaurant, so I tell myself I'll work it all off . . . all . . . we will see, right?

Food - love - work . . .it's all, always, there, isn't it??

Yours,
Love Bites,
Carrie Neal